Dentists are capable of much destruction. We all know this. Despite the scary instruments, I went to see one today after a 4 year hiatus. Apparently 4 years in dental world is a long fucking time, also teeth are pretty unforgiving. If you stop doing things like flossing, and using expensive mouthwash, they start to just dissolve and make you wish you were born a toothless freak.
My panic set in when I woke up this morning, I felt like a cat trapped in an oven. No way out. I could already smell the pain. After a few unsuccessful attempts at making excuses not to go, I schlepped myself onto the wonder that is public transit and went to meet my maker. I mean dentist.
I always feel an unbelievable amount of shame when I walk into a dental clinic. Like my mouth is filled with dead babies instead of teeth and that somehow this is all my fault and oh God why am I doing this. The hygienist is always the first person to have a look at the atrocity that is my mouth. She asks questions like " how long has it been since you have seen a Dr?" This is always the most shameful part for me. " Um. Like, 3 years maybe, I mean maybe less, probably not though" This always gets looks of disapproval and usually the exact moment where the judgement begins. The hygienist will then open a pack of silver poke-y stab-y instruments and the panic about being stabbed in the mouth completely over rides my fear of being harshly and unfairly judged. I cry silently inside.
After this ordeal subsides it is then time for the Dr. to come in. I always fear this part the most because I know that he is like " WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK" As soon as I open my mouth. Like, teeth are his business and looking at mine obviously makes him feel like I just took a shit inside of his heart because I let my teeth basically decompose and at one point almost kill me. That's another story all together. Anyway, the Dr. beings to call out things that sound like codes to set off a NASA shuttle. " Cr 24, TH 3, XTZ THERMO DEPOST TO THE RIGHT CANINE, RC 28" Pretty much he goes through all of my teeth calling things out. I know that is bad. The Dentist should never start at tooth number 1 and end at tooth 24 shaking his head. Always skipping a few numbers because those teeth are missing. I knew I was done at that point. Still, I tried to be a little optimistic. Maybe it was not as bad as I thought. Wrong was I, so so very wrong.
"We are looking at an estimated cost of $12,000" Trying to remain composed after hearing that I personally had to pay the $12,000 was difficult. I just wanted to say "well, we've done all we could, time to let them go" Dentists won't hear that though, they want to "save" everything.
So this is what my teeth have done to me after a long hard 28 years together. They never could understand the whole " live and let live" concept. No, since I was 5 years old those bad boys were busy starting some shit. Making themselves grow to large, cementing themselves to my gum's even when new teeth were coming in, impacting themselves, fucking re- impactig themselves. I was always told " your mouth it to small." As if this was something I could control. It is not my fault that God decided to make my mouth the same size as chihuahua's with a cleft lip. This meant I never had enough room for my teeth so lots of them had to just be ripped out. I clearly remember lots of dental trips, coming in a smiling happy child, leaving a bloody, slobbering crying mess. It never did get any better as I got older. It just turned from extractions to surgeries, from surgeries to infections, to more surgeries. Teeth do not forget they do not forgive they just turn into gnarled squares of imminent pain and torture. They will never let you rest until you give them what they want. Apparently what mine want is to see my bankrupt and anemic. So far teeth you win.
