Sometimes I look at my dog sleeping on her bed, and I think " this is not my dog."
Although she has been in my house since January and it is now March, I still do not have feelings of "this is mine." I feel like someone has just asked me to watch their dog for them for an undetermined amount of times. They also asked me to re name the dog, change it's food, pick a different vet for it. So in all aspects, the dog should feel like mine, but it does not.
I am not sure why. My dog at my mom's house that I have raised and loved up for 7years. That to me is my dog even though she still lives with my mom. The alien dog in my house that does weird obsessive things like lick the stove and hide in my book case. Can't possibly be my dog. It's the weirdness of getting a dog that for 6 entire years was someone else's dog, that has all of their neurotic tendencies that makes me feel like, nope not mine.
My dog which is now my Mom's dog, she acts like me, crazy, and eating a lot, and in need of constant affection and attention. I love that dog. This dog, I am trying to love. It is not working. That sounds mean, I know. I don't dislike her, I just don't have the I LOVE THIS DOG SO MUCH, feelings for her. Maybe they will come.I hope it's not like this when I have a baby. Seriously, how rough would that be. " I know you came out of my vagina and all but I did not see you come out, so how can I know your mine?" I would never actually do that. But just saying. It makes me worry I don't love things enough.
Friday, October 19, 2012
My arm pits hurt, i hate wind.
Work is very uncomfortable today. Not my actual work environment, but what I am wearing at work. My dress is pinching me in the arm pits It feels like I have two Miniature Pincher's under there just going to town at my pittage. This is really not conducive for success. I feel so much rage. Like I just want to swell my biceps and burst though the dress to make it stop. Every now and again I will shake violently in my chair tugging at my under arms trying to help reduce their stress. No pits should have to go through this.
Besides my pit induced rage, I hate wind. It was being an asshole yesterday, just like Kevin Bacon in that movie Hollow Man. He becomes invisible and taunts people and watches them go to the bathroom, and fights things. That's exactly what the wind was doing.Well, not really, but it kept trying to rip my umbrella from my hands. Wind is a little bitch. It can be everywhere all at once. Like a sinister blanket of evil. Just blowing everything in a 100 mile radius. It has no regard for human life, or posters, or empty trash cans. It's motto is destroy everything... I mean, if I went up to a violent criminal and just started blowing at his hand with my weak ass little mouth, these little tiny wuss breaths.He would laugh and I would probably be talking about how I got stabbed in an alley one time instead of how much I hate wind.
Besides my pit induced rage, I hate wind. It was being an asshole yesterday, just like Kevin Bacon in that movie Hollow Man. He becomes invisible and taunts people and watches them go to the bathroom, and fights things. That's exactly what the wind was doing.Well, not really, but it kept trying to rip my umbrella from my hands. Wind is a little bitch. It can be everywhere all at once. Like a sinister blanket of evil. Just blowing everything in a 100 mile radius. It has no regard for human life, or posters, or empty trash cans. It's motto is destroy everything... I mean, if I went up to a violent criminal and just started blowing at his hand with my weak ass little mouth, these little tiny wuss breaths.He would laugh and I would probably be talking about how I got stabbed in an alley one time instead of how much I hate wind.
Darn socks. See what I did there?
Hey now, I forgot I started this blog. I will probably forget again because that's what happens to me.
So, Mike's socks have been the bain of my existance lately. He hides them everywhere, under the coffee table, the computer desk, next to the couch, shoved behind the leather ottoman. They are like little dirty gifts of love left all over the house. The other day the dog was furiously pawing at something underneath the couch. I watched him for a few minutes thinking he saw a toy or hid something stupid like a used napkin. Being the nice dog owner I am, I got up and physically lifted up the couch for the dog. What was the thing he was trying to get you ask? A sock, naturally. Mr. dog grabs the sock in his mouth and prances off with it happily to my bed. Ew. Later when I was watching tv, he climbs up next to me and lovingly lays it on my chest , nice and close to my face, like a beautiful, thoughtful gift. Except it wasn't beautiful, it was wet, and it smelled, and was kind of crunchy. Thanks dog.
This is not the first time this has happened, nor will it be the last. Seeing as the socks are always on the floor, the dog thinks they put there for his and apparenlty my enjoyment. I have tried to explain the concept of hampers to Mike after showing him 37 pairs of chewed up, wet socks. He does not understand. I mean, why would he when he can just go buy new packs of socks? They are dispoasable right? No one wears socks more than once, guess that was my misocnception.
This goes far beyond socks though, pants lay in the same place from where he disrobed, shirts cover the chair in the bedroom, towels are meant for drying on the back of the computer chair. It is as if the entire house serves as his laundry basket. There are times though, that he makes the attempt at picking his clothes up but for whatever reason it always looks like he gets distracted half way through and just drops them on the floor in a pile. I am still not sure what causes this to happen. Like some force of nature stops him in his tracks and forces him to drop whatever he is about to do with his dirty clothes, unless of course it is to drop them on the floor. Never ceases to amaze me. What is ironic about this whole situation is that the man will not let me use mismatched hangers to hang my clothes in our closet. My hangers all have to be the same color, hanging in the same direction and need to look in his words "neat". Really Mike, really? Even now, if I have say, a hanger from something I bought at target in there he gets all "NO WIRE HANGERS!" I mean, he's not waking me up out of sound sleeps to re organize the closet but I can tell he wants to. " Why are these in here?" " what is this?" " get this out this is gross. Okay, mismatched hangers are a murderable offense but dirty socks and clothes strewn all over the house is adorable or something? Makes sense right?
So, Mike's socks have been the bain of my existance lately. He
This is not the first time this has happened, nor will it be the last. Seeing as the socks are always on the floor, the dog thinks they put there for his and apparenlty my enjoyment. I have tried to explain the concept of hampers to Mike after showing him 37 pairs of chewed up, wet socks. He does not understand. I mean, why would he when he can just go buy new packs of socks? They are dispoasable right? No one wears socks more than once, guess that was my misocnception.
Imagine this on draped sweetly on your face.
This goes far beyond socks though, pants lay in the same place from where he disrobed, shirts cover the chair in the bedroom, towels are meant for drying on the back of the computer chair. It is as if the entire house serves as his laundry basket. There are times though, that he makes the attempt at picking his clothes up but for whatever reason it always looks like he gets distracted half way through and just drops them on the floor in a pile. I am still not sure what causes this to happen. Like some force of nature stops him in his tracks and forces him to drop whatever he is about to do with his dirty clothes, unless of course it is to drop them on the floor. Never ceases to amaze me. What is ironic about this whole situation is that the man will not let me use mismatched hangers to hang my clothes in our closet. My hangers all have to be the same color, hanging in the same direction and need to look in his words "neat". Really Mike, really? Even now, if I have say, a hanger from something I bought at target in there he gets all "NO WIRE HANGERS!" I mean, he's not waking me up out of sound sleeps to re organize the closet but I can tell he wants to. " Why are these in here?" " what is this?" " get this out this is gross. Okay, mismatched hangers are a murderable offense but dirty socks and clothes strewn all over the house is adorable or something? Makes sense right?
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